


At Least I'm Not As Sad (As I Used To Be)

by punchinginadream



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angel Ashton, Depressed Luke, Hurt/Comfort, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, Sad, hes v v depressed, i was sad today and this happened, luke is v sad, so dont read if itll make u sad ok i love u, this is so short im so sorry, this sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 01:56:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3156677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punchinginadream/pseuds/punchinginadream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton never allowed Luke to say that Ashton had saved him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At Least I'm Not As Sad (As I Used To Be)

Luke wasn't sad anymore. 

The first time he said that to Ashton, he saw Ashton's face flood with relief, and then tense up at what he said afterwards:

"I'm just numb."

Ashton had been coming over a lot lately; Luke knew why he was really there, even though Ashton just claimed he wanted to spend time with his best friend.

Luke didn't really mind, because sometimes Ashton laid with him or sang him songs. The worst were the days Ashton noticed the lack of dishes in the sink and made him eat (Luke never cleaned up; he knew Ashton was the one to put his dirty dishes away and maybe he felt guilty but he didn't have the energy to do anything about it). 

Sometimes he brought Calum or Michael over. Luke loved them both dearly, of course he did; but it was overwhelming, sometimes, because they didn't really understand what was going on with Luke like Ashton did. When they were sat on his bed and all he wanted was sleep (despite the fact he hadn't left his bed in 2 days), and they were going on and on about something Luke couldn't even keep up with or understand. 

 

* * *

 

 

The first time Luke thought he was a lost cause, he was lying on his bed on his side, curled slightly into Ashton who had his back resting on the headboard. Michael and Calum were perched on the edge of the bed, the three other boys engaged in a conversation about some movie whilst Luke just stared at the bit of skin of Ashton's tummy from his shirt riding up. 

"What movie?" he'd asked quietly, and although a minute ago they'd all been talking over each other, the room was suddenly deadly silent. Luke rarely said anything, especially not when they were all having a conversation. They tried to engage him at first, but it was clear Luke was much more comfortable listening than talking. All eyes were on him and he immediately curled up a bit smaller against Ashton self-consciously. 

"It was just some dumb action movie we went to see last weekend." Calum replied, snapping himself out of his shock. 

"Oh," was all Luke gave as a reply. He wasn't jealous or upset they didn't ask him to go, but it must have appeared that way. 

"We would've asked you," Michael put in guiltily. "But we just assumed..."

"That you wouldn't wanna go." Calum finished, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. 

"Yeah." Luke nodded, not moving his eyes from the strip of Ashton's tan skin, afraid to move. He shouldn't have asked. He should've stayed quiet. He felt Ashton's hand run through his hair gently, comfortingly and he sighed in content, relaxing a bit while the conversation traveled back to whatever they were going on about before. 

 

* * *

 

 

The first time Ashton convinced Luke to go out again, Luke thought it was a disaster. 

Ashton kept telling him how proud he was of him, though. It made Luke feel like a child, made him want to _cry_. What kind of person is so _goddamn_  pathetic they get praised for making it out their front door? He didn't tell Ashton that, though, because he quite liked the smile Ashton kept giving him, as if this was some big achievement.

They went to go see some underground local band playing at the bar; Ashton thought maybe the music would help Luke.

It did the opposite. 

It was in the middle of this weird dubstep remix of some iconic song, maybe the Beatles or something, it was hard to tell, and Luke just started _crying_. They were in the middle of this sad, unenergetic mosh pit type thing and Luke just starts _sobbing_  as they guy on stage is jumping around like a fucking kangaroo. He hung his head low, trying not to let anyone see (which was harder than it may seem, considering his enormous height), until an arm around his waist and a grip on his neck led him out of the crowd and out of the bar and into the chilly night air. Ashton looks a bit thrown off. And of course he is, because, like, Luke just started crying in the middle of some really shitty cover song, but he's surprised mostly because he hasn't seen Luke cry in maybe a year. 

A tear or two slipping out when he hasn't eaten for a prolonged amount of time and Ashton has to feed him soup or something, but this was the real kind of crying. The gasping for air, constant stream of tears, gut-wrenching sobs. And it broke Ashton's heart more than that scene in _Marley and Me_ , but he swore he could almost physically _see_  the way Luke finally, _fi_ _nally_  letting himself _feel_  the sadness made it a bit better. Made _him_  a bit better. 

And after it was all over and Luke apologized countless times (probably talking the most Ashton's heard in months), Ashton kept the taller boy close to his side and brought him to a little ice cream shop down the road, because he knew Luke got headaches after he cried and ice cream was the best medicine he could get at the moment.

Luke clung to his side like a child while Ashton ordered them ice cream, hands fisted in Ashton's shirt and red-tipped nose nuzzling into Ashton's neck. Ashton almost forgot how clingy Luke was after he cried, but he couldn't say he minded rubbing little circles into the younger boy's back while he got him some comfort food. 

They ate in comfortable silence; Ashton knew Luke well enough to know trying to make conversation right now would only make things worse. 

But when Ashton got a bit of ice cream on his nose and Luke let out a giggle, a sound Ashton hadn't heard in far too long, that was the first moment things stopped feeling so heavy. 

 

* * *

 

 

Ashton never allowed Luke to say that Ashton had saved him. He always maintained that he had only given Luke the love he needed to save himself. But nonetheless, Luke's apartment didn't look so messy anymore. Ashton still came over almost every day, but most days he'd find the bed unoccupied and the blonde boy in the kitchen making some eggs or singing some 80s song in the shower. 

Some days things got a bit heavier, and Luke laid in bed all day bleary-eyed and unmotivated. Those days, Ashton always brought him some ice cream from the little shop down the street from the bar. 

Luke wasn't sad anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> ultraviolashton.tumblr.com :~)


End file.
